Jenna Rainey, Artist, Educator, And First Time Mama On Breastfeeding, Babies & Business

Jenna thought becoming a mom while running her biz, would be easy-breezy. However, as she’s learned, it’s been anything but.

Settling into new mom-hood (and loving it!) Jenna reflects on her experience. From popping nipple blisters with hot needles to birth plans gone array and severe post-birth recovery (try not being able to sit for six weeks with work deadlines looming!), she shares why her perspective on breastfeeding and momming has wholly changed. In short, she’s learned to let go of expectations. @jennarainey

Current state of mind?

These days, we’re in a flow…but it has taken us a minute to get there.

Oh ya, what’s your day to day like? Who’s taking care of babe?

For the past seven years, I’ve been running a design agency out of my home. What started as a custom stationery studio has evolved into writing “How To” watercolor books (published two bestsellers!) and licensing artwork for products with brands such as Target, Office Depot, and Staples. Plus, I offer quarterly online business courses that teach other creatives how to launch and build their businesses online.

However, the last five months have looked very different on the day-to-day and have been an enormous adjustment. Since having Miles, I have focused a lot more on building my passive income revenue streams through licensing to be more flexible. My mom comes up three days a week to help with the baby, and I’m able to get a substantial amount of work done during that time. On the days that it’s just John or me, we tag team. If he has things to get done for the business then I’m on baby duty, and vice versa. I am way more efficient because I have a finite amount of time to “get shit done.” Honestly, I don’t know what I used to do with my time before I had a baby! I feel like I wasted so much!

And, what’s breastfeeding been like?

It’s good. NOW. The first two months, however, were a mess. I was utterly taken aback by what had happened to me and felt majorly unprepared to care for a newborn. No one (and no book) can prepare you for the experience of becoming a mom. Breastfeeding was almost impossible in the beginning, and I wasn’t sure if I could do it. I struggled so much. The irony is that I was so gun-ho on “breast is best.” When I was pregnant, I was reading all the articles and thought it was THE way to provide nutrition to my baby. In this weird non-judgmental way I was adamant about not using formula. Of course, this was before I had any understanding of how difficult it would be. I’ve changed my tune since.

My supply was deficient from the start, and I had so much anxiety about it. Plus, the lack of sleep & stress was detrimental and took a considerable toll on me. Coupled with the pressure of going back to work and client deadlines, (even though I work from home), was weighing on me. I had expected to have a beautiful breastfeeding experience, and it just wasn’t that way. Plus, I needed to have the ability to have someone else feed my baby, and I couldn’t produce enough for that. It became this cyclical thing of not producing enough milk and then pumping at night when my baby was sleeping, which would leave me exhausted and lower my supply during the day. I kept going round and round. After much heartache and struggle, I decided if I had to supplement with formula to keep me sane, it would be worth it. At one point, we broke down and bought a box of formula, but in the end, never used it! I think that was the release I needed, the permission if you will, to let go of my tight grip on this idea of “ the perfect” experience. That alone made my milk supply come in!  “Fed is best.” That’s my new belief.

Oh ya! How long do you think you’ll breastfeed for now that you’re in the swing of things?

My goal is a year, but I would love to go longer. However, considering how the birth, breastfeeding, and motherhood, in general, have gone so far, I don’t want to set any expectations on myself. If longer, great, if shorter, that’s good too.

When we get back from Tulum (parents only trip!), we are going to start him on solid foods like avocado mash and sweet potato for the high-fat content. Plus, we signed up for a subscription meal delivery program called Raised Real, it’s all organic freeze-dried packages of small meals for babies. I have auto-immune diseases in my family and genes, so I have to be careful not to include anything GMO’d, wheat, or dairy into his diet.

Do you have any tips for women that are having a hard time breastfeeding?

OMG yes. There are so many things I would say to myself if I could go back in time. To begin, say YES to help. I felt I had to do it all alone, when in fact that’s not the case! Say yes to your mom holding the baby for an extra 15 minutes, it could mean all the difference in your day. 15 minutes could be the nap that restores your energy, the shower that refreshes you or the time to put on a bit of makeup that makes you feel a little more like yourself.

And, nipple butter is a life saver! Lanolin is the primary ingredient. I had a baby with a perfect latch, and everyone applauded that. But guess what, it still hurt like hell, and I was bleeding. At one point, I had a blood blister on my nipple for weeks! I even tried to pop it with a hot needle — didn’t work!

I would even suggest taking a warm washcloth and rub your nipples while pregnant to prep them for the constant friction that’s to come with nursing.

Did you have a birth plan?

Well, that was thrown out the window! We were planning a natural home birth. Around 39 weeks, the midwifery flagged that legally they cannot birth a baby past 42 weeks, but not to worry as only about 4% of women experience this. Figuring this rarely happens and the odds were in our favor, we proceeded. Well, weeks went by, and he never came. We went everyday to the midwifery, each visit paid out of pocket including additional ultrasounds and a full catheter. I was so committed to my birth plan which was meant to be this idyllic all-natural, water birth. I was so full of expectations. At 42 weeks, the midwife told me that I was only 2 cm dilated with no movement. It was devastating. The next day I had to go to the hospital and be induced as they could not go any further.

That was my first lesson in letting go of rigid expectations.

Have you had any time for selfcare?

I certainly have room to grow in this arena, but making progress. These days I’m prioritizing a 15 min stretch or workout every morning. Since starting to do this, I am feeling much better. It changes my entire day. Yes, I could opt to use that time to answer pressing emails instead, but it doesn’t serve me nearly as much mentally and physically.

Post-birth I was doing a ton of Epsom salt baths to heal my 3rd-degree tear, and I referred to the First 40 Days book religiously. The meals and ways she talks about nutrients, warming foods, and how to feed a new mom were so inciteful. I also had this local woman, Postpartum Bites deliver a ton of meals for me in the beginning. While I could have cooked these meals myself, I also couldn’t stand for long, so my form of self-care was to hire someone to prepare meals for me.

Did you take a maternity leave?

I wish I had truly checked out as I think it would have helped with my milk supply. I remember telling people that I was going to take a month off (which didn’t end up happening because he was so late). Looking back, even the notion of a month of maternity leave being enough is ridiculous. I thought that was ample time before I had a baby!

There’s a photo of me on Instagram painting to meet a deadline while laying down because I couldn’t sit for two months with my tear. I’d committed to the project before knowing the reality of new motherhood and had to complete seven prints during his naps from a horizontal position. Looking back, I wish I had said no to that job or that I would deliver it later.

It’s crazy to think in America maternity leave is unpaid. It’s one thing to be a business owner and have the choice, but to work for a company and be required to go back to work immediately after having a baby makes zero sense! Even for me, I literally couldn’t sit for two months. I don’t know how I would have gone back to an office in that condition. I had people messaging me saying they had 3rd-degree tears plus bleeding, and were required to go back to work four days after they had their baby. One woman said she had the baby on Friday and went back to work on Monday. Physically, there’s NO WAY I could have done that!

Books and podcasts as of late?

Reading: Everything Is Figureoutable. And listening to: Goal Digger by Jenna Kutcher (my current fave) and Pursuit With Purpose. 

A habit you’ve picked up in the last few years that’s made a positive impact?

Most of what I do with my time revolves around my business. One major shift I began a few years ago was time batching. Every week I dedicate my days to different projects or types of work. For example, Mondays and Wednesday are devoted to book-related things, and Tuesday plus Thursday is licensing and client work. It’s made me considerably more efficient with my time.

Any advice… 

If I could go back in time to when I was pregnant, I’d say, “don’t set any expectations!” It’s OK to have overall goals but don’t expect anything to work out precisely the way you’ve envisioned.

Executive Editor Of goop, Kate Wolfson On Feeling Catatonic, Keeping It Cute, And Cringe-Worthy American Cheese

Self-proclaimed “word witch,” and magic-maker mama, Kate is bright as can be, pregnant with her second, and prides herself on being part of a female-led team! Here, she shares life as a working mom, cringe-worthy cravings, and her pregnancy style (hello, legs!). @katie-goldsmithe_wolfson

Plus, check out the rest of her stellar team as they talk about managing mom-life and work-life.

Path to pregnancy?

I am fortunate. With my son, we consciously tried to get pregnant for four months, to no avail! I did all the things from pee on sticks to use every recommended app! Out of frustration, we took a month off from trying, and of course, got pregnant. This pregnancy, however, wasn’t planned… we were seriously unsure whether we wanted to grow our family and the universe stepped in and made the decision for us. I’m very grateful it did.

Biggest misnomer of pregnancy?

Before getting pregnant, I remember not being able to wrap my head around how pregnant women do “everyday” things like go to work, drive a car, or sit at a desk. Now that I’ve done it, I know that you do all of the things just fine—if not better—you’re just hungry, nauseous or borderline catatonic while doing it.

How is this pregnancy same or different from the last?

The first trimester kicked my ass extra hard this time around. I was so miserable. With my first pregnancy, I remember being so ravenous that I ate anything and everything, regardless of nutritional value. This time around, I am being more conscious about what I’m eating, not so much in quantity, but definitely in quality.

And I have to be extra careful to make sure my toddler doesn’t accidentally kick me in the tummy when he jumps on me for a hug—we’ve yet to figure out the right approach.

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Feeling physically?

I have zero energy. None. I barely get through the workday, come home, and crash for an hour while Sonny is with his dad. Then I’m able to put my mom hat on and do all the things that I need to do at home.

Working out?

Unfortunately, no. At my last appointment, my doctor gave me a very stern talking-to about not being active enough. So, I’m working on it. I try to walk to pick up lunch and get up from my desk throughout the day to stretch my legs. It’s barely enough, but at least it’s something, right?

Craziest craving?

American cheese. Orange, gooey, sodium-y American cheese. Give me a deli bacon-egg-and-cheese, and I’m yours.

Birth plan?

You know, I don’t have one. Sonny’s birth was quite traumatic (and I didn’t have a birth plan with him either). I ended with having an emergency C-section.

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Therefore, I’m opting to have a planned Cesarean this time around. All I want is for this little girl to come into this world healthy, and after discussing it with my doctor, the surgery seems like the way to go. Knowing what to expect the second time around is both comforting and kind of terrifying, in that I know what’s coming.

What do you believe will be the most challenging part about having two?

I’m still having a hard time with this one. I really treasure getting to focus 100% percent of my love and attention on Sonny. I worry about him feeling neglected in any way while we’re bonding with his new sister. Then there are all the logistics of getting through the day while keeping both a baby and a kid feeling happy, taken care of, and like they are our number 1. Not to mention maintaining a romantic relationship…plus, the non-romantic ones, too!

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What do you believe will be the best part about having two?

I’m an only child, so siblings are uncharted territory for me on several levels. I want nothing more than for them to be pals. If we can successfully support them in becoming each other’s champions, I’ll feel pretty damn accomplished.

Entrepreneur + Blogger Geri Hirsch On getting pregnant while breastfeeding.

Always fashionable, not to mention lovely as can be (you’ll see), Geri of Because I’m Addicted and co-founder of new LA coffee shop, Neighborhood, is nine months pregnant with her second. And, a lot’s happened with this blogger slash entrepreneur and HATCH alum since we last chatted.
Now, at the tale of her second go-around, we played dress-up with this drop-dead gorgeous mama as she gears up to release her new clean beauty brand, Saie plus birth a baby — no biggie!

Here, she dishes on the surprise of getting pregnant while breastfeeding, the difficult decision to work on launching a business (similar to a baby) while growing a baby and having a baby, plus how she plans to honor her fourth trimester. @gerihirsch

Current state of mind?

Living on Sweet Green salads these days. 

Boy or girl?

A girl!

How have you been feeling?

Not that great. I have a sense I may go into labor early! Definitely, need to pack my hospital bag today, in case it’s go-time.

Recently, I’ve been having a lot of pelvic floor and ligament pain. The baby is sitting low, and she’s already 7 pounds! She’s huge, and I still have three weeks left! Seeing as I’m not exactly a “big person,” I’ve been incredibly uncomfortable. 

I had my 37-week ultrasound last week, and I told the technician that I thought this baby was bigger than Leo. She brushed me off, saying that “everyone” feels that way with their second, but, usually it’s not the case, and only appears that way because of muscle memory. Then, she measured the baby and was like, “Oh no! This baby is much bigger!” I knew it! Literally, I feel like I’m sharing my body with a toddler. 

Wow, have you done anything differently?

No, I haven’t. If anything, I would have thought that this baby would be smaller because I have a 19-month-old toddler I’m running afterplus a business we’re about to launch. Some days I can hardly remember if I ate!

I hear that! Speaking of, how has this pregnancy been different from the last?

Mainly I feel like I blacked out most of the first one, and now that I’m doing it again, I’m like, “Oh shit, I forgot about all of this! But now I remember!” 

That said, from what I do recall, the second has been different. When I was pregnant with Leo, I was hyper concerned with the details like having “my daily bone broth” and all the things. Now, I feel more relaxed and less mindful because I’m so busy.

Any cravings this time or last?

It’s funny I just had my first pregnancy craving EVER. I’ve oddly been wanting dairy, like greek yogurt, granola, and chia seeds to be specific. I had never experienced “a craving” before this, but there’s no better way to describe it outside of primal. It wasn’t so much as “I want to taste this,” and more as if my body truly NEEDED the calcium or protein urgently at that moment!

Path to pregnancy?

We intentionally tried to get pregnant as we want our kids to be close in age. I was still breastfeeding Leo when I got pregnant this time and was super surprised! I didn’t even know this was possible, but my period came back just as she started eating solids and was consuming less milk. 

Breastfeeding while pregnant?

Honestly, I didn’t know this was humanly possible until I was there. I breastfed Leo until she was about 17 months and was pregnant for 4-5 of those months. I remember thinking about the amount of life I was sustaining and being in awe of my body. Looking back, it was insane. Unfortunately, it took a toll on me. Giving Leo the nutrients she needed plus everything the baby needed, left me depleted and exhausted on the daily. At some point, I decided something had to give, and the only thing that could give was breastfeeding. SO, we had a serious conversation, and I told Leo that she had to be a big girl and stop breastfeeding. She was mad at me for a few days and then was over it, and stopped. At that point, we were weaned to nights and mornings, so went down to mornings, and a few days after, stopped altogether.

And, did that make a difference?

YES! 100 percent. It changed my energy levels significantly!

Have you been working out?

I have been, although not as much now that I’m 38 weeks. I continued until I was about 30 weeks with a trainer and then started doing Amanda Kloots videos from home. She teaches fitness dance classes and recently had a baby. When she was super pregnant, she made a series of workout videos that have become my go-to this trimester. Plus, I do yoga with my doula.

Do you have a birth plan?

Ideally, we’re going to have a drug-free birth at the hospital. I had this with Leo, so I know it’s possible, but I am trying to be zen about the whole thing and not have any expectations. We’ll see how it goes.

Have you decided on a name?

Names are tricky! Every kid in LA has a name that’s wilder than the next — no basic names here. I never liked my name growing up. But now I feel indifferent about it. We have some options but haven’t fully decided yet. We named Leo after the sheriff that saved my husband’s life before she was born. SO, we have a lot to live up to in the name department which makes it difficult to name our next child something arbitrary simply because we like it versus something with merit. We want her to feel like her name is meaningful, too, and has real weight. 

On working throughout the pregnancy?

During my first year of motherhood, I took a big step back from work. By choice, I didn’t have a nanny and was extremely happy. Then just as I got pregnant with my second, an incredible opportunity came my way with Laney Crowell of The Moment (also a HATCH mama)— she had this idea to start a non-toxic make-up line with a luxury experience. In her past life, she worked at Estee Lauder and was teaming up with two women (both from Estee Lauder), including a top formulator for a number of the Lauder brands. I had always wanted to start a line, but I also know what it takes to launch a business, and I don’t have the appetite to do that alone at this stage of my life. Therefore, when Laney asked me to help her, I couldn’t pass up the chance to build something powerful with this epic team.

What’s the line called?

Saie! We’re launching with mascara, brow gel, lip balm, and eyelash curler. It’s super clean with an elevated experience in application, performance, and experience. When you take it out of your make-up bag, we want you to have that same je ne sai qua that you have with your favorite toxic products. I still use make-up that’s not clean because I’m not willing to compromise on the experience and application. My skincare and body care are 100 percent pure, but I cannot give up my Nars Creamy Concealer until something clean comes along that’s as good and gives me the same joy — we plan to change that.

You would never look at our line and think that it’s clean. We don’t even use ethanol, which most clean brands still do! It will likely be one of those controversial ingredients you’re going to start hearing about like sulfates and parabens. We don’t use any petroleum-derived products either! It’s as clean as you can get.  

How do you divide your time and energy?

We’re launching in November, and it’s been all hands on deck as of late. For the past six or seven months, Saie has taken up all of my time. But, we’re close and as tight as the timing is (see pending baby :), it’s going to be great. While we’re launching with four products to start, we have the next year and a half worth developed, so we’re in good shape; which gives me a little bit of breathing room for when I’m on house arrest and completely MIA. 

Initially deciding to join Saie was a challenge for me as I didn’t want to compromise my family. But we came up with an agreement that worked for us, which feels balanced. Plus, Laney, the founder, is also a mom and understands how I feel about motherhood — I want to be there for my kids and not miss a beat. I intend to ramp up when they start school. So far, I feel I can accomplish everything I need to work-wise (thank goodness for working remotely) and still be a great mom, given the structure of our agreement.

How will you approach your fourth trimester and maternity leave?

Beyond the first 40 days, I don’t know, but I do know that I’m planning to honor my fourth trimester. I’m going to work with my doula, Stephanie Matthias @radiantwoman_ as I want to give myself the time to heal and be still. Last time, I found the fourth trimester to be a tender time. My focus will be resting, bonding, and eating certain foods to help with my supplies — both milk and energy — to nurture my body and baby after birth. The right diet makes all the difference. Plus, I’ll probably do some Ayurvedic massages and meditations.

Any wellness hacks you’ve leaned on?

Not sure if this is considered a traditional “hack,” but I’ve taken a considerable step back from all social obligations and been extremely mindful of how much I CAN do. As of late, my priority has been growing this baby, working on our business, and my toddler. It’s hard because I want to go out and support friends, but I can’t do it this time. My dream scenario is to be in bed by 7:45 pm every night — not kidding.

What music will you play during delivery?

I’ve been doing a deep dive into my music and trying to figure it out. I’m feeling something powerful, maybe Sade, and I think there needs to be some dirty ATL rap in the mix too! At some point during my last labor, I needed some intense dance routine moments, like Beyonce!

Any advice?

It’s so hard as every situation is so specific. I remember when I had Leo and chose to take time to focus on her, I feared my career would suffer and not come back. Then, this incredible opportunity came about, and now my career is something completely different! I’ve learned to listen to my needs, know that things change & evolve, and honor the time I have with Leo (and soon my new baby). The truth is, the career will always be there, but you won’t get time back with your children.

I don’t want to open my eyes one day with a great job and kids in high school that don’t want to hang out with me. The reality is, they’re not always going to be in my bed, or I’m not going to get them from their crib in the morning to feed them. I want to soak in and savor all of these fantastic experiences that only happen in this finite time of early parenting.

Fashion Designer & Founder Of Misha Nonoo, On planning for her first.

Fashion designer & founder of the namesake brand, Misha Nonoo, has had a whirlwind year. From getting married to a baby on the way, this charming go-getter and soon-to-be mama let us in on her plans for a maternity-leave-slash-non-maternity-leave as an entrepreneur, the gratitude she feels about her exciting year plus the ah-ha moment that led to our latest HATCH x Misha Nonoo collaboration. @mishanonoo

Wow, what an epic year this has been for you, from your wedding to now becoming a new mom… how do you feel?

Honestly, I’m just grateful. This year has been incredible, and I feel overwhelmingly fortunate. 

Boy or girl?

We’re having a little boy, and while I’m excited about that, I’m mostly interested in having a healthy baby. 

Most looking forward to…?

Meeting him!

Most nervous about…?

All of the unknowns of labor. I have a tiny idea of how I would like the birth to go, a general plan if you will, but ultimately, it’s going to go how it’s going to go, and I can’t control any of it.  

Any crazy cravings?

Overall, I’ve been quite conscientious and healthy. For the most part, anything that I already loved, I want more of, like cheese — which has become a significant feature of my diet! Interestingly, I only used to eat white meat like chicken and fish although, throughout pregnancy, I have craved red meat — probably for the iron.  

Any hacks or wellness secrets you can share for feeling better or being able to continue working during pregnancy?

I caved and bought a pregnancy pillow, which has been extraordinarily helpful for sleeping at night. Also, I have maintained my fitness regime — Tracy Anderson, three days a week! I can’t do classes at this point, but I do the custom program they made for me. Overall this helps me feel less achy and better able to sleep at night. Plus, I try to walk or take the subway as much as possible to get in extra steps throughout my day. 

What are you listening to (fave podcast) or reading these days?

I just read a fascinating book called French Children Don’t Throw Food. It analyzes the differences between how the French raise their kids versus the Americans or British. It was a great read. Plus, I like this book about sleep training called 12 Hours Sleep By 12 Weeks Old. This book made me realize how important sleep is to my baby’s development. Hopefully, knowing this will help me resist the urge to pick him up when he’s fussing, because ultimately, he needs to learn to work it out on his own. Also, I was given The Wonder Weeks, which I haven’t started yet, but will read next. The topic covers week by week of the baby’s development and growth. 

As an entrepreneur (plus a mom-to-be) with so much depending on you (for both roles), what’s your plan for maternity leave?

I believe, when you own your business, it’s less about taking formal maternity leave, and more about finding a rhythm and schedule that works all around. I think having a routine will never be more important than when I have a young baby. I plan to check-in regularly with the team and work the majority of the time from home. For this reason, I must get him sleeping through the night, so I can be well-rested to spend quality time both with him and my team.

How do you take time for yourself to reflect as a busy woman, business owner, and nearly new-mom?

I’m certainly doing less than what people tell you to do! I’m not going for massages, and such, although a bath is a regular feature in my day when it wasn’t before. It’s pretty much business as usual — I have no interest in slowing down right now or relaxing.  

If you had 5 extra minutes a day, how would you spend them?

I’d spend them with my dog Thatcher—that’s always been the way. She’s my constant companion. She comes to the office with me, goes to lunch with me, and if I’m home, she’s home too — we’re always together.

Tell us about Misha Nonoo, what was your inspiration for launching the brand — was there an incident or an eye-opening moment that made you want to start Misha Nonoo? Ah-ha moment?

I saw a gap in the market for everyday pieces that fit together in lockstep to create a perfectly curated wardrobe. Before I launched Misha Nonoo, I had a traditional fashion brand. That said, seeing how retail has changed, and the industry has shifted, I took a very considered approach to developing this line. I knew that if we’re going to be here, we had to be thoughtful and practical about what we’re putting out into the world..

What’s next for the brand?

Our new store is open in Soho, (come visit us!). Plus, we created a capsule offering of pieces together with HATCH, meant to be worn while you’re pregnant and nursing. Before pregnancy, I didn’t think about how important it is to have tops that are easy to open (one-handed, preferably) to access your breast. Girlfriends of mine (new moms) gush that our bestselling Husband Shirt is the perfect breastfeeding top since it doesn’t have buttons (it has studs) to close. With this in mind, I knew we needed to partner with you to create the perfect piece for pregnancy, breastfeeding and beyond — essentially the maternity version of The Husband Shirt! Plus, it’s tailored silhouette allows new moms to look chic at a time when they need fail-safe pieces to show up as their absolute best. 

Your pregnancy style in one word?

Tailored. Always. I’ve invested in a few pieces that I’ll be able to wear post-pregnancy. My focus has  been on accumulating styles that I can wear now, but also plan to wear after baby — I can have them taken in, or wear them slightly oversized. I’ve been trying to take a sustainable approach to pregnancy dressing and avoid buying a ton of disposable pieces. 

Three top tips for getting out the door looking cute pregnant?

Throughout pregnancy, I’ve found looking pulled together has never been more critical to feeling like myself. Therefore, if I’m going out to dinner, I will get my hair done or make sure that my manicure is fresh. Or if I’m somewhere warm and able to wear open-toe shoes, I will go for a pedicure. Typically, my pre-pregnant self would never get blow-outs this frequently, but since I’ve been pregnant, I get my hair done all the time. If I can’t fit into my jeans, at least my hair looks fabulous! 

My advice? Enhance the positives of pregnancy! A total bonus of being pregnant is that your hair grows fast, and your skin looks fantastic, so play it up and make the most of the things that are working in your favor. As often as you can, schedule a facial to ensure your skin is glowing or have Glamsquad do your makeup or a blowout before you go out. Anything that allows you to feel like the very best version of yourself. 

My go-to pregnancy look?

I’ve been living in our Ivy Pants worn with our Husband Shirt or my HATCH sweaters. 

A takeaway…

In terms of pregnancy, it’s been blissful and hasn’t held me back in any way. If anything, pregnancy has made me highly efficient, extremely energized, and very grateful all around. It’s such a blessing to enter this new chapter and become a parent.

Co-Founder of Refinery29 Christene Barberich On Pregnancy After A Decade Of Trying

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Inspiration, entrepreneur, and mama Christene Barberich, Co-founder and former Editor in Chief Of Refinery29, took time moments before she gave birth to her daughter to chat with us on her decade-long journey to motherhood. Here, she shares how miscarriages and pregnancy taught her to never stop believing, plus the power of love and support, and why it’s important not to sweat the small stuff. As poetry goes, just as her daughter, Rafaela “Raffi” Rose Baxter, was born, Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” was playing in the background. @christenebarberich 

What is your current state of mind?

Anticipation. I’ve waited a long time to be a mom, and I couldn’t be more excited to have this experience.

What has been your journey to pregnancy?

Honestly, it’s been both a struggle but also an awakening, too. My husband and I spent the better part of a decade trying to have a child, and while the ups and downs were often devastating and hard to recover from, we did recover. And found the strength and the courage to move forward. I thought many times that I might not try again. That maybe becoming a mother wasn’t part of my destiny. But the desire and the wondering never really went away. Occasionally, I will forget that I’m pregnant, and when I remember it and feel my belly, a wave of love and reassurance just sort of washes over me. It’s the only way to describe it. It’s not the path I expected, but it’s brought us to this place, to this child, and for that, I will forever be grateful.

What was your experience with community both online and off in trying to get pregnant?

For the most part, it was positive. But I did find it hard to engage with people that used words like “preggers”…I think because it felt a bit flip or even arrogant to me, and I never wanted to take being pregnant for granted. And when I shared my experiences with miscarriage and eventually becoming pregnant on my website, Refinery29 here, it opened up a whole community and dialogue around the challenges lots of families have around the world experience with trying to conceive. Fertility struggles don’t discriminate, so I think it’s really important we can be open with each other about our hopes and fears when it comes to such topics.

How did you emotionally handle so much uncertainty regarding getting pregnant?

My husband and doctor—Dr. Jeffrey Braverman—helped me every step of the way. They never stopped believing we could have a child, even when I did, and I think that’s what kept me going. We all need a bullet-proof support group for experiences like this because of the disappointment of pregnancy loss and uncertainty can be emotionally crippling and very tough to recover from. But we can recover and we can get to the family we dream of…we just need each other’s love and support to do it.

Any rituals you’ve had throughout pregnancy?

When I became pregnant and realized it was a healthy pregnancy, I made a “dream” board with images of babies that looked familiar to me, old modernist houses and wild English gardens….all the images that helped me to imagine what was manifesting—not just the baby, but the whole life and experience being born around us, too. It was super comforting to make and to return to every day. Whenever I felt scared or low, I spent time staring at that board or writing in my journal to my baby. It was incredibly therapeutic.

What does a regular day of eating (plus, any cravings) look like to you?

I had pretty awful nausea for the first 20 weeks…strangely, classic deli potato salad was my go-to. I craved it constantly….and peanut butter and broccoli. Go figure!

What has been your go-to pregnancy style?

I’ve really loved being pregnant and watching my body change in all these magical ways. I love it all, even the swelling (well, not really the swelling!). Most of my everyday clothes are cut more oversized so I haven’t really had to buy any maternity wear, with the exception of some maternity bras, leggings, and some Hatch essential, of course.

What’s been your number one wellness secret throughout pregnancy?

Water, rest, and not sweating the small stuff. It’s so important.

If your pregnancy were a song what would it be?

So many! The Waiting by Tom Petty, Don’t Stop Believin’ by Journey, My Love by Paul McCartney, Let’s Dance by David Bowie, One Big Love by Patti Griffin, Let My Love Open the Door by Pete Townsend….my pregnancy playlist is endless!

What are you most looking forward to about becoming a mother?

Honestly, just being open to anything….to how I will change and how this beautiful soul in our lives will impact our lives, in all the ways I’ve been craving. I can’t wait to learn from her and to experience a new dimension of love and family. And, really, to see my husband become a father….will be one of the greatest gifts of all of this.

Advice for women who are trying to get pregnant?

Spend time with yourself. Ask yourself what you really want, what will fulfill you, and if having a child is really a big part of your master plan, then make it happen. Because, no matter what, you can. Find the support you need—doctors, friends, books, people who’ve gone through it, too, to coach you to the next step, and then the next. Even when it feels impossible, there is hope and a way forward…just keep going. And remember, all of us out here who’ve been through it or are going through it, we’re rooting for you. You have a community and sisterhood supporting you, behind the scenes, every step of the way. 🙂

Want more Babe? Peep this story on 9 diapering mistakes you’re making, or what you need to know about shopping for a monitor. We’ve also got the goods on parenting lessons you deserve, top nutritional facts for postpartum, and the post-babe essentials that’ll ease your transition into momhood.

Charlotte Ronson on Her Anti-Birth-Plan Plan C-Section Amnesia and Baby Asprin FTW.

Fashion designer Charlotte Ronson is pregnant with her second child with singer/songwriter Nate Ruess. This stylish LA mama (by way of NYC and London) talks pregnancy with a two-year-old, her anti-birth-plan plan and the blessing of “C-section amnesia,” plus baby aspirin FTW!

How are you feeling?

Big and tired.

Boy or Girl?

Girl.

This is your second pregnancy!  Have they been similar or different? 

Both times I’ve been fortunate enough not to have nausea. PIus, with the second one I haven’t had the time nor the luxury to focus on every step of the pregnancy or “taking it all in” as I’ve been busy running after Levon and he often made me forget that I’m pregnant! Also, we kept the pregnancy a secret for the first four months until we passed all of the tests, which meant there was a period we avoided socializing because it was too exhausting to constantly be lying about why I’m not drinking. Once we got out of the “hiding it” phase, the rest flew by!

More specifically, what was your first pregnancy like?

With Levon, in my third trimester, I was diagnosed with a condition called Intrauterine Growth Restriction, which meant that Levon measured very small. This condition happens when the baby can’t get all of the nutrients he or she needs from the placenta. At one point his tummy was measuring in the zero percentile (which was very scary), but so long as the head measures OK, they assume the body will catch up, and some babies grow better on the outside — which he did! I was not put on bed rest, but I wasn’t allowed to do much of anything either, including work out from October to the end of January. Every week for the last trimester we would see a high-risk specialist, plus my regular doctor to monitor his progress. There was a comfort to going to the doctor this frequently. Since we passed all the genetic testing, I felt confident that it wasn’t something more significant to worry about and he was merely a small baby. Nonetheless, it was highly stressful.  

Wow, I can only imagine. And, with this pregnancy? 

Our little girl also measured small, but we expected it this time. Having gone through it before I was armed with information and experience, which made the whole process feel different. That said, on our most recent check-up, she measured bigger, so they removed her from the Intrauterine Growth Restriction classification. They don’t know what’s different this time or why she is growing better, except they had me take baby aspirin throughout my pregnancy! It’s something they’ve started recommending to pregnant women, as it helps with the flow of blood to the placenta.

Did you have to be on a special diet as a result of the Intrauterine Growth Restriction?

I was not put on a special diet, although for the most part I try to be healthy and get a nutritious start to every day. I make a ton of smoothies packed with greens and vegan protein plus almond milk, Greek yogurt, blueberries, and bananas. 

Any unusual cravings?

Nothing crazy, although I have a massive sweet tooth, but that’s not to be blamed on the baby! Sugar is my lifestyle 🙂 Although, while pregnant I have zero restraint! Probably the most random thing I’ve indulged in is the street nuts in NYC. In my “non-pregnant life” I would never allow myself to eat these, but anything goes right now! 

Do you have a birth plan?

Omg no. The whole notion of a birth plan is ridiculous. With Levon, I had an unplanned C-section; therefore we’ve planned to have a C-section with this one too.  I’m not sure how my recovery will go, and honestly, I forget what it was like with the first, but it all feels awful and scary.  For the most part it’s all a blur and needs to be otherwise women would never do it again! I’ve never even had a cavity, so getting sliced open is brutal, but as long as I get to bring home the baby, it cancels the rest out in the best possible way. The hardest part is knowing that I’m not going to be able to pick up Levon and do all the things that I usually do with him. I‘m going to have to figure that part out as I don’t want him to feel left out or resentful of his sister. 

What are your plans for after the baby comes?

The plan right now is to hibernate for at least a month in Montecito where we have space and our friends & family can come to visit throughout the month. As far as food and taking care of myself are concerned, I found that I naturally take care of myself for the baby’s sake. For example, just after I had Levon, my dad came to visit and brought all of my favorite chocolate treats from London. As much as I LOVE chocolate, it upset Levon’s tummy, and therefore I couldn’t eat it because I was breastfeeding. Once I became a mom, my baby’s needs came first, which ultimately forced me to take care of myself too! Even though that little voice inside of me was like, “Haven’t I given up enough!?” First alcohol and sushi, and now chocolate too! What’s next?” 

Did you breastfeed with Levon and are you planning to again?

I breastfed and we supplemented with formula because Levon was so little. With our new one, I have no plan but will do whatever’s best for her as that’s my approach to mothering in general.

How did you meet your husband and do you prioritize time alone together?

We met through my sister Samantha and love ensued! We’re so lucky that we have so much fun with Levon together and love doing early family dinners or weekends in Montecito together. Plus, we try to plan dinners out once or twice a week, alone or with friends. Which is less fun for me right now as I can’t drink, but it’s important to consider there are two people in this relationship and so I make an effort — even though really is all about me and what I’m sacrificing, haha! 

What’s in the works?

I’m working on a few different collaborations, including a collection of the perfect layering pieces plus a children’s project. Stay tuned!

And advice?

Enjoy the process as much as you can as it’s such a beautiful, magical journey. As much as we complain about gaining weight and feeling gross, it’s incredible what our bodies are capable of and that everything happens like clockwork. Plus, let go and be grateful, because so many people are struggling to have this gift. Lastly, celebrate the time you have with your partner before the baby comes because all the sudden that gets pushed to the side once the baby arrives! 

Because He Also Does it All Father's Day Gifts He'll Love

Between prepping dinner, taking out the trash and making sure our little ones get into their Zoom classes on time, our husbands have been holding it down in unprecedented ways lately. And while the idea of Father’s Day feels pretty trite lately given the despondent state of the world, these rockstar dads still deserve a little pampering. From the perfect earbuds to drown us out to the sweatshirt he’ll live in, peep our go to dad’s day gifts we know he’ll love.

"There's another person acting as mom and that can be painful.” Dr. Aliza Pressman on the Nanny Dynamic.

By Dr. Aliza Pressman | Photo By iStock

The caregiver conversation is a toughie for new mothers. The idea of leaving our little ones – whether to return to work or just take an hour to get to Trader Joe’s – has us wringing our hands with guilt and self-doubt. Will my baby love her more than me? Am I f*cking my baby up for life by going back to work? Am I missing the most precious moments of their early years? Guess what? Maybe! But that’s OK. In fact, employing someone else to care for your children is actually opening up their capacity to love, not limiting their love for you, so try to think of a caregiver as joining your village, rather than cock-blocking your own parenting. Plus mama’s gotta work (and/or work out!), and that’s OK, too.

For more on nanny dynamics, we spoke to Dr. Aliza Pressman, our resident pediatric expert, co-founder of seedlings group and host of “Raising Good Humans,” who’s dropping knowledge on how to navigate this very special relationship. 

Why do you think the idea of a nanny can be so stressful for a new mom?

I remember this one woman made a rule that her caregiver couldn’t hug and kiss her kids. She didn’t want them to be as attached to the caregiver. I felt so much compassion for her because she was really scared in that way that an older sibling feels towards a new baby. She thought, what if there aren’t shared resources for my child to love more people? That’s just not the case. In fact it’s amazing to have people in a child’s life who they can turn to. People who are trustworthy and loving, like a caregiver. The nanny/baby relationship is fraught for moms. This is another person acting as mom and that can be painful. And so if you reframe it as just being more similar to communities where multiple people are there for your child, where lots of people take responsibility for a community of kids, it doesn’t diminish the love they have for you but it does expand the possibility of experiencing love in the world. 

What goes into finding the proper caregiver?

Whenever anyone asks me, what’s the most important quality a nanny can have? Is it being bilingual? Is it being good at meal prep? I always say, “You can teach someone how to cook or how to play in open-ended, engaging play, but one thing that’s hard to teach is the ability to be warm.” So I say start with warm and go from there. It’s also important for you to help your child feel like they have a stable nanny who is loving and supportive, but the relationship shouldn’t be taken lightly. It’s important to have stability and consistency if you can. 

What happens when, god forbid, your baby or child prefers their caregiver over you?

One thing we know is the act of caregiving itself increases oxytocin in both baby and child. This feel-good hormone is a high you can get from connecting. So often times when a dad or mom says to me that they’re feeling left out, one thing I recommend is to start being the one who changes the diapers. It’s a thing you can do if you find yourself in a situation where you feel like you’re not getting as much connection. Especially in that first year, diaper changing, feeding, bathtime, these caregiving moments require face-to-face interactions you don’t get at other times in childhood. They are precious times, but also a nanny is going to connect, and if your child is in a relationship that has caregiving and connecting, they may seem more interested in the nanny, and then you want to tweak the way you interact. 

Also, these things pass. If you’re connecting with your kid as best as you can and they’re choosing someone else for now, find moments to be present for them. Take care, listen, follow their lead. Try not to have an agenda and put your phone away. Let’s say you’re working all day and the nanny is with the baby from 9-5, and you have a few hours and that’s it. As much as you can, when you first see the baby, everything else goes away and you’re present. It can be 10 minutes, it can be five minutes. It can be two hours. Whatever time feels right for you, but communicate with your baby and be ready to reconnect. By the way, as kids get older, we often come in from work and catch up with the nanny. But if you can say, “If you email me an update so I can connect with coming home, that would be better.” Also, don’t micromanage so much. If you trust someone to be with your baby, you don’t need to know how many poops they had per day, unless there’s a problem. It’s so hard to take the most precious human in your life and say, “You, person I just met, are going to care for the person I love.” It’s a huge leap of faith to appreciate the beauty of a nanny, but I love when I see nannies who so clearly get joy out of the interactions they have. It’s a very, very special job.

You can teach someone how to cook or how to play in open-ended, engaging play, but one thing that’s hard to teach is the ability to be warm.

What are some strategies for managing this dynamic?

Set up a relationship in your family where you don’t want to be afraid to give guidance. On the other hand, you want to give a lot of respect. You want to find someone for your personality who can be the kind of parent that balances or represents what you’d want them to focus on. If you have someone who is focused on academic skills and you want your kid to be focused on social and emotional learning, there might be a disconnect. If someone is very strict and you’re permissive, you have to be philosophically on the same page. Or you have to acknowledge that, OK, I’m permissive, so I need a more authoritative nanny. You have to think about what’s going to contribute to this community. 

Navigating Tough Caregiver Conversations

Don’t hold it in

Confront issues as they arise to avoid building conflict and tension. When issues are immediately tackled, you can then focus on finding resolutions instead of sorting out unresolved feelings.

Focus on the situation, not the person

Instead of saying, “You’re not playful enough with the children,” make it about the issue and offer a plan of action like “How about taking the kids to the park more often?”

Set a day to discuss any difficulties your family is facing

You many not feel comfortable discussing your personal life with an employee, but caring for your family is what your nanny is hired to do. Focus on the impact your kids may be experiencing. For example, you can say, “We are currently dealing with XX and I thought you should know because it may impact the kids.”

Don’t be afraid to ask for additional support

Your nanny could potentially be the perfect candidate to offer a bit more assistance if your family is navigating stressful times. Do you need her to keep an extra watchful eye on the kids to see if the situation is having negative impacts? Do you need her to stay a few extra hours here and there or help out on days she may have had off? Don’t be afraid to ask, but also be clear that she is free to decline.

If your caregiver asks for a raise, do your research

Be aware of standard pay and annual raise rates for nannies. According to Care.com’s 2018 Cost of Care survey, the average nanny makes about $580 a week in the U.S., or about $14.50 per hour. But you should also factor in any credentials and certifications, like CPR and First AID, when setting a fair wage. Offering fair pay up front will decrease the need for the raise conversation in the first place. (Source: Care.com)

Include raise expectations in your contract

Every working relationship should be protected with a contract and that’s no different when you employ a nanny. Your contract should establish her annual wage and also outline expected annual pay increases, so there is no room for misunderstanding.

Designer Anna Karlin Thinks Cravings Are A Myth Plus Midwives And Mornings

Friend & creative genius, Anna (aka the coolest girl we know) is pregnant with her first. Considering she’s pretty much as cute (and stylish) as they come (by cute we mean hot with a touch of edge!) and sure to be “that mom” (you know the one at drop-off we all have a girl-crush on) we jumped at the chance to run around her Chinatown haunts. From her design studio (showcasing all things branding, interior design, and fine jewelry) to the fruit stand she frequents and her local lunch spot, we chatted about precious morning routines, how pregnancy floored her, and why self-care is not her jam. @annakarlinstudio 

Current state of mind?

I’m 33 weeks along, AND MY GOD it’s nothing like I’d imagined.

What was your experience getting pregnant? 

Being pregnant has been hard — it’s floored me.

I have a very physical and active business + lifestyle with client-facing pitches, running job sites, and my team. I’m tiny but I’m strong, and so the change in physicality has been a humbling experience.

Plus, for some reason, I had it in my head that it would take six months to a year to get pregnant and instead it took a week! Therefore, even though we wanted this, we thought we had a bit more time. I don’t know why I had convinced myself that it was going to take so long, but I had. 

How about selfcare?

There seems to be a lot of focus and messaging around “self-care” while you’re pregnant, but honestly, it makes me dizzy. In the first few months, I felt pressured to try “all the things,” like acupuncture and prenatal massages, but inevitably I don’t want to do “all the things. It’s not my jam. I’ve since said “fuck it,” and I’m a much happier human. I prefer to settle into the discomfort rather than fight it.

And what about eating?

I always joke with Toby that we’re fortunate I’m the one that’s pregnant and not him. If it were up to him, this kid would not be fed well at all — I’m still working on getting that man to eat a vegetable! In my “real life” I naturally eat like a pregnant person should eat, so no major changes on that front. The only difference, I’ve upped the amount of  protein I have. Typically I’d have fish or chicken (haven’t eaten red meat since I was 10 years old) a few times a week, whereas now I have it every day. Plus, my portion size has increased slightly.

For example, my breakfast is the same every day — a smoothie with frozen banana, kale, spinach, lemon juice, almond milk, spirulina, flaxseed, and, I added prunes with pregnancy (ooohh!). Lunch and dinner are usually veggie-based with a bit of fish.

Or craving? 

Nope. None. No wild cravings. Personally, I think cravings are a myth. It seems most women spend their lives denying themselves food and suddenly they feel as though have a 9-month window to go for it guilt free by labeling it a “craving.” So no, I eat what I want, but I’m naturally inclined to eat veggies. I’m yet to have an uncontrollable urge toward anything.

Midwife or doctor?

I’m English; therefore, I’m going to a midwife that I love and trust. In England, every pregnant woman sees a midwife unless there’s an issue with the pregnancy, then you see a doctor.

Do you have birth plan?

I don’t have one. In my mind, becoming attached to a plan that ultimately I have no control over, only sets me up for failure. Of course, I have an idea of how I would like it to go in an ideal world, but also, I’m at peace with whatever’s going to happen will happen. I’m aiming for a natural drug-free birth with the midwife, but we’ll see how it goes!

Why no drugs?

Who knows! I’m of this mindset right now (although, it very well may change once I know what a contraction feels like) while everything is still absolutely bliss. I’m not sure why I’m leaning towards “no drugs” , as I’m not anti-medicine by any means. I believe our bodies were designed for childbirth. Therefore, I’m curious to explore letting my body do what it was created to do. So much has become over-medicalized and we’re often out of touch with our bodies as a result. Even the culture and messaging around childbirth is hideous and fear-based from Hollywood movies with women screaming in brightly lit operating rooms to the word on the street. I don’t think it has to be that way. I’m mentally preparing for a different experience.

Boy or girl? 

We don’t know! Toby is adamant about not finding out which I’m okay with — I figure it’s either one or the other.

Dressing?

To my good fortune, it’s summer, and have been living in oversized slips and slides. For the most part, my body feels the same overall aside from the giant watermelon protruding off my body.

Childcare and maternity leave?

Again, the plan is not to have a plan. We’re going to go into it together and see how we do. As for work, my team is incredibly supportive — I’m a lucky girl. They’re all wonderful and probably want me to take more time then I’m planning.

What’s your morning routine?

Pre-baby I would have worked out first thing in the AM and then gone for a quiet coffee before heading to the office. However, now that I’m pregnant, instead of my morning workout is my morning constitutional. Then, I toss on whatever is within arms reach and walk to Cafe Grumpy in the LES, my favorite coffee shop. I love the early hours in the city when it’s quiet and still. While I walk, I usually call mum, or my best girlfriend for a catch as they’re both back home in London. Then sit with my coffee for a bit to map out my day and prepare my priorities before getting ready for work. Typically I make it to the office around 10 AM, and my workday begins.

This time alone, an hour to myself, every morning is critical to me — this if anything is my version of “self-care.”  I’m probably going to have to learn to let go of that one for a while which I anticipate it being quite hard for me.

Wellness Guru Angi Fletcher On Pregnancy, Food, And Teens On the Internet

Model, triathlete, nutrition expert, gorgeous mama, you name it, she’s it. Authentic, effervescent, and pregnant with her third, Angi’s all things goodness. Recently, I spent the morning with her and the fam at their high-vibes home in Topanga Canyon, discussing her shift into wellness, the significant difference between each of her pregnancies (hint: it’s everything to do with food), and life with a teen, a baby, and one on the way. @angigreene

How have your pregnancies varied between each, from how you feel, your approach, plus your cravings?

My cravings have changed dramatically throughout all three pregnancies because my education around nutrition has evolved. With Oliver, my first, I gained 80 pounds and was addicted to sugar. I was 24 years old, living in NYC, it was the summer, and I ate a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream every night. I had NO idea about nutrition, so I just devoured sugar all day long. I didn’t test for gestational diabetes, but I’m sure that if I had, I would have tested positive. I also didn’t work out, but fortunately, my genetics and age worked in my favor, and I was able to lose the weight.

With my second, Alakai, my mom died the day before I got pregnant. I joke that my mom “high-fived” Alakai on his way down and her way up. It was an incredibly emotional time, and I was in such a state of shock and grief. Leading up to her death, I had been taking care of her for months — I was full on hospice. Therefore, my pregnancy with Alakai was rooted in exhaustion. For the most part, I would take Oliver to school in the morning and then come home to sleep. I didn’t have a regular fitness routine, I wasn’t eating well, and I was extremely nauseous for the first three months, plus I had placenta previa, which resulted in me having a C-Section. I craved comfort food and lived off dumplings from PF Changs and Salt & Vinegar chips.

THIS ONE, however, has been entirely different. While my mom was sick, we began researching nutrition and the mind/gut connection. I had suffered from digestion issues my whole life and thought it was normal to be bloated after every meal. After Alakai was born, we began to live a gut-healthy mindful lifestyle that incorporated high fat, low protein, and lots of vegetables — this changed everything. With my first, I had post-partum depression, and with Alakai I did not — strictly because of how I took care of my body after birth for The First 40 Days, an Aruvydic philosophy of eating only warm foods and caring for myself as much as my baby.

This mindfulness has carried through to this pregnancy, and although I had a bit of nauseous early on, I wasn’t mindlessly eating a bag of chips or the container of ice cream to remedy that, and instead, I stuck to a nutritious, high fat/low sugar diet. Interestingly this is the least amount of weight I’ve gained in all my pregnancies, and this baby measures bigger than any of my others. As far as cravings go, I haven’t had too many, and on the rare occasion that I do, I’ve trained my brain to get to the root of it. Therefore, instead of initially acting on a craving, like a bag of chips, for example, I’ll stop and ask myself why I’m craving that—is it the salty/crunchy/sour combo? If so, I’ll have apple slices with almond butter, lemon, and sea salt sprinkled on top.

What’s your current state mind?

Overwhelmed yet grateful. I’m burning the candle at both ends with a teenager and a 15-month-old that’s teething. It’s both challenging and a blessing to have kids far apart in age. One moment I’m explaining the realities of porn on the internet to my 15-year-old and the next I’m feeding my baby at 5 am — it’s a mental juggle.

How do you deal with having older kids in a digital world?

I mention the porn because we have to be able to talk about these things with our kids as they’re being exposed as soon as they can access a phone. In the past — pre-social media and smartphones — you’d happen across a random Playboy magazine for the first time in a dumpster and giggled with your girlfriends while flipping through it wide-eyed and freaked out.

Beyond the porn, everything is moving at such a rapid pace. When we were younger, everything was in slow motion. You would leave school on Friday, then see your friends again on Monday AM, and not think twice about what they were doing until you’d gush about in the hallways before first period. Now, the kids are on Snapchat five min after leaving school and seeing what everyone’s doing or what parties they’re not invited to — it’s overwhelming and anxiety-inducing. As a result, their generation is dealing with issues like anxiety, depression, and teen suicide — it’s real and weighty. They need us now more than ever for all the inside stuff.

What are your pillars of wellness throughout pregnancy?

Supplementing is key! Plus, eat as much fresh living food as you can and move your body — whatever that means for you — and get the blood flowing! I find that the less I do, the more I get stuck, therefore even a quick walk or dancing around my house changes everything and elevates my mood.

Are you avoiding the do-not-eat-while-pregnant list?

I don’t actually know what’s on that list except that I don’t eat oysters in general, and I do eat soft cheese, plus I drink coffee.

Sex while pregnant?

…has been different with all three. I’ve definitely craved more sex, intimacy, and touch during this pregnancy. Plus, I’m more playful now as I’m more comfortable with my body because I have more understanding of health in all areas, including sexual health.

What’s been your experience having a doctor versus a doula?

I had a midwife with my first two children, and a doctor this time because I had a C-section with Alakai and couldn’t find a midwife that’s comfortable with doing a V-back in under two years. Having a doctor feels strange to me as there’s so much intervention on the medical side, but not a lot of attention to the emotional well-being side. For example, that crazy orange sugar diabetes drink is entirely unnecessary because you can do the test yourself with a potato and a glucose strip at home and it’s just as effective. Thanks, but no thanks to the sugar drink!

What have you been working on as of late?

I’ve been in the process of writing my book which is a personal narrative with a prescriptive message chronicling my journey to health and wellness through death, grief, depression, and divorce. Since we can’t trust the government or doctors anymore, people are now relying on friends and trusted sources of information. They want to see an average person that’s gone through something that they’re going through with personal advice on how to cope. I’ve also been developing an online resource for 2nd & 3rd-trimester workouts — I don’t include a 1st-trimester work-out as most women are busy simply dealing with nausea, exhaustion, and trying to understand their changing bodies at that time. Plus, I didn’t work-out during the 1st trimester in any of my pregnancies and I only teach from a place of personal experience.

What do you consider high priority in life?

Family and health are my number one priorities. Business for me is an extension of helping people, and if I can’t be that for myself, then I can’t help anybody else. It’s difficult to balance these days as we’re always expected to be ON, but if you’re not healthy, then you have nothing. I’ve had enough money that I never had to worry about anything, but I was depressed and lonelier than ever. And now I have less money but I’m happier than I’ve ever been and have modified my lifestyle & mindset to allow for that. Money doesn’t bring happiness; it can bring comfort but it certainly won’t bring any real joy. It’s all about health and quality relationships.

Are you planning on taking maternity leave?

I highly recommend adhering to The First 40 Days postpartum mindset. You can take care of the baby, but someone needs to take care of you. It’s the missing link and the reason why so many women are stressed and depressed after having children. If you don’t have a robust at-home support system, then consider saving for a postpartum doula that can help care for mama. Our society doesn’t put enough emphasis on how important this is.

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